He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
