So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
