HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
