YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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