He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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