he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
