guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
