Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
