i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
