i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
