a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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