she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
