were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
