Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
