Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
