I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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