i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
