dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
