My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
When did angry sex become our thing?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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