Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Just pee around me
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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