remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
