Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
