what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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