shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Someone signed my nipple.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
