he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You are the jesus of drinking
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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