If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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