he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
