Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
it's great music for shaving your balls
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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