next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
