The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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