who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
