I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
As shirtless as possible
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
pray to the hookup gods
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
