o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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