How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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