is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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