My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
