hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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