I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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