this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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