Me too!
are you so shy because you have an std?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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