All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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