I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
we're making bets on your personal life
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
