Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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