p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
