Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You ruined the universe
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
