I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
This couple is walking their pig around campus
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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