I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
