apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
