Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I wish life had little blips of pornography
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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