Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just gift wrapped bread.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
