You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
