does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
