yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
