somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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